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Winders 98

Chuckle ( 21 votes ) | Views: 1229

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.

It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse

My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption

Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys

Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard

Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive

Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = ats aww-right

cancel = hail no

reset = awa shoot

yes = shore

no = Naaaa

find = hunt-fer it

go to = over yonder

back = back yonder

help = hep me out here

stop = ternit off

start = crank it up

settings = sittins

programs = stuff that does stuff

documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

tiperiter................A word processor

colering book............a graphics program

addin mershene...........calculator

scratch paper ...........notepad

jupe-box ................CD Player

inner-net................Microsoft Explorer

pichers..................A graphics viewer

IRS......................M/S accounting software

IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files

coon dog.................American kennel club records

fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.

NRA......................National Rifle Association

shot gun ................Remington Arms price list

riffel...................Winchester price list

pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list

truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code

house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code

car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas

cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file

tax records..............usually an empty file

shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file

bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code

racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck

Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code

doc .....................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.